I wish I could film my life.. make a movie out of it... sit down with a bag of popcorn mixed with MnMs and just watch it. Only then, from the comfort of my worn in leather couch could I actually begin to characterize myself. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE!

I got into all my colleges! Final Decision: Elon University in North Carolina. God I hope I am making the right decision.

I feel like I am just one big mess. Like if someone actually did film my life... if I was put on The Real World... the camera man would have to shut off the confessional tape due to my incessant blabbering about my personal thoughts and feelings. On reality shows there is always the hot girl, the heartbreaker, the goody goody, the wild child, the flaming homosexual....the communist...but what the heck would people say about me? Definently not flaming homosexual, but I seriously think if I even attempted to be on that show the producers would look at me and say... you are a mess. Go home and meditate.

I had the worst week ever (not the worst week of my life, for sure) last week, and then the past two days have been wonderful, yet bittersweet. I lost yet another person I love, which made me realize... I've been screwing up. The freakin world does not revolve around me so I need to re-orbitize and put the world on its real axis. To all those I've ever hurt or made feel unloved or weren't there for when you needed me... I apologize with every ounce of apologenes in my body. You are the reason why my life has had such beautiful moments and I love you. If you are reading this, I have for sure thought about you in this past month, and our memories together, and how much you mean to me. Take my word. I heart you.

Can I take a moment to ask why does the first cut have to be the deepest?

And we're back.

I am out of here in 7 months. Seven freakin months. So you know what... I'm gonna stop being such a freakin girl and start taking some chances.Actually I've already started... and I've surprised myself. And its been totally worth it. So let's keep this ball rollin shall we....

you know.. its fun to just sit and think about the things you love most while your english teacher rambles on about some guy named Oedipus Rex... try it. you start to notice the simple things that make you happy and realize your standards and what you shouldnt ever compromise in order to be with someone... hmm.. shall we take a moment.... ok done. like for me its all about carving pumpkins... drinking coffee as i put on my makeup... sitting on my lawnchair by the pool and staring at the stars while talking to someone....silently singing along with the brilliant frank sinatra soundtrack while waiting for my coffee frappucino....sitting on the floor of barnes and noble while searching through books and magazines.... looking at old pictures of friends with los lonely boys blasting in the background... racing to the car after the football game for that long awaited blast of heat from the heater. life is amazing. my friends are brilliant. God is good. bush is too.

i miss karissa.

i miss katy

i miss andrea.